Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
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I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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