I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize