Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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