I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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