I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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