omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize