Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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