last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize