Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just invented taco cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize