Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize