Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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