well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize