wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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