Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize