So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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