her vagine was all disorganized.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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