yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize