How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize