My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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