Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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