hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
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God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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