you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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