Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
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Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize