Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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