sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My first STD was from a foam party
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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