She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize