Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize