i just sent this text using only my big toe
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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