if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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