just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize