dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize