Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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