It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize