apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize