No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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