hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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