Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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