I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize