I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
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So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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