i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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