woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
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The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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