why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
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We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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