I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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