What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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