I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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