Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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