I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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