He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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