i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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