I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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